Battered Wife Syndrome

My sister, Judy, wanted me to share her poem with you. She has a powerful story in her words filled with pain and anger. Could you please give me comments about how you are praying for her? Part of battered person syndrome is the feeling that you are helpless to do anthing to empower yourself to  escape the living hell of your abuse.

My sister did communicate the message effectively to her husband to stop beating her up. She says the physical abuse ended a long time ago, but the emotional abuse continues.

Personally, I want my sister to leave her husband. The decision to stay or leave rests with my sister. I have prayed for her and keep praying for her to flex the wings of her own indpendence. She could have entered a graphic arts program with her artistic skills that likely came from my mother. There are so many things Judy could do with her life, but she feels powerless to change her situation.

Perhaps, if I was able to pass along inspirational messages from you, it might give Judy encouragement to free herself from her emotionally abusive prison. I keep on praying and hoping that she will find her wings and fly to her God-given potential.

I think it would be a real encouragement to my sister if people reblogged her poem. I think it could even be published in an online magazine or in print media.

What you can do is spread its message by sharing it with your contacts. Let’s keep Judy’s story going, because it is also the story of so many abused women.

The reference to “take back the night” is about a gathering of women walking through communities to highlight the issue of spousal abuse.

If you come from abuse or images of abuse will be too disturbing for you to read about, please read no further.

Let us pray that stories like my sister’s and mine concerning the physical and emotional abuse I experienced from my manic depressant schizophrenic father, will encourage the abused to come forward with their story.  I believe it is in sharing our stories that healing will finally happen.

Then, the prayer I made  to my Lord as a young boy that with His help I would be used to free many from their prison of abuse, will have been answered.

I cried many times reading Judy’s poem. I wanted to rescue her, to fix it, but only Christ can heal my sister’s wounded heart. Please pray for spiritual protection before reading this poem. There are dark images in it, Yet, in telling the story of abuse there will be darkness as we seek with God’s strength and His grace to lead people to the light.

Battered Wife Syndrome

Does anyone really begin to know what women go through day after day?

It’s like some women have no say.

Put the men out on the street, so they would know what it feels like to get beat

How many times did I end up on the floor?

Because how many times I couldn’t get out the door

Do this. Do that. Do this. Do that.

The psychiatrist said he would not to live like that.

When you stay in violence this is what goes on

But somehow I think somebody knew

’cause God sees everything  you go through.

What I had to go through day after day was not right.

How many times did I shake with fright?

Just to be able to sit outside

I used to take rides on my bike to calm myself down,

so I wouldn’t end up with a nervous breakdown.

Women unite.

Take back the night.

When we talk about respect, respect works both ways.

Again, listen to what I say

From broken glass to a broken door

Boy, was I sore!

No woman likes to be a battered wife.

Yes, there were times I cried.

Yes, there are times I wanted to die

Oh, if you only knew what I was going through!

No woman needs to get beat ’til they’re black and blue

This in turn can happen to you.

How many times did I take a fall?

How many times did I get my head banged against a wall?

Was it the whisky or was it the beer?

Why was I going through this year after year?

Women of the world unite.

Let’s remember take back the night.

Let’s also take to the streets to spread the message that no woman needs to get beat.

Is that any kind of life?

–Judith Frotten

On Mind’s Seat you can follow blogs of Marmar, fellow co-authors and me at:

http://www.marmarthunder.wordpress.com

 

3 responses to “Battered Wife Syndrome

  1. I hope this message goes far and wide. I lived with an abusive man for 23 years because I thought I deserved and I thought good Christians don’t get a divorce. This would have been quite a blessing during that time. Thank you also for deciding to follow my blog. I am honored.

    • Hi Diane

      I’m glad to be following your blog. I also hope the article’s message goes far and wide. I am so sorry for you that you stayed in an abusive marriage for 23 years because of judgmental Christians with bad theology. The abuse of Scripture in the name of God must make Him angry. Be assured that the Lord will have a word or two for those Christians who counseled you that good Christians don’t get a divorce. The way you were treated makes the Scot blood in me boil with anger.

      Many years ago when I had much more hair than I do now on my balding head one of my professors said that divorce under any circumstance is a sin, even when there is physical, mental or emotional abuse. I challenged his narrow-minded myopic attitude. I said, “Then, would you also tell my mother that it was sinful for her to divorce my father when he used and abused her like a punching bag?” He tried stepping back from the manure he had stepped into. “We hate the sin, but we love the sinner.”

      He would not change in his position. Now, I believe if at all possible a marriage should be saved. It grieves God’s heart when divorce happens, but unfortunately I know as a pastoral counselor, sometimes the marriage is beyond repair. It often died a long time ago; it merely is on artificial life support. In these instances, after counseling has failed, there remains only that one bitter yet necessary option –divorce.

      My mom, two sisters, brother and me took abuse from my manic depressant schizophrenic father for far longer than we should have. There was the societal expectation when I was being raised that even if a wife was abused she was expected to stay with her husband. My mom went to my grandmother saying she needed to leave my father for the sake of her children and herself. The response was unsupportive. “If you leave Jim, I’m leaving Thornbury.”

      My dad had managed to hide the abuse from other relatives and our closest friends. He would hit mom in very select areas and then order her to wear clothes to hide the bruises. Dad would be kind in public, but mean and spiteful in private. It’s really hard for a five year-old boy to understand that dad doesn’t mean to hit you and tell you you’re lazy, stupid and clumsy. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One moment, he was the kindest man you’d ever want to know. Then, without warning he would say cruel and hurtful things or swat me at the kitchen table while I was having supper. So, mom took the abuse five more years. In total, more than ten years of abuse. Then, she went to my grandmother and showed her the scars and the bruises. Finally, my grandmother believed.

      She cried asking for mom’s forgiveness. Then, she said, “You need to leave Jim right now. June, I’m so sorry for not believing you.” Mom left for a life of freedom away from her private hell.

      She divorced my father on the grounds of physical and mental cruelty. in 1980 my mom married her teeenage sweetheart, George.

      No one under any circumstances deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. Anyone counseling a person to stay in an abusive situation needs to think would they do the same if they were abused and there was no hope to save their marriage? People need to stop judging the abused and offer them their support and their love.

      The peace of the Lord be with you and me.

      Kevin

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